Guest Blog: Family Reunions: Characters Wanted [tita leerz]
July 2nd, 2009 by World Wide EdFirst of all, mahalo much to Bruddah Ed for allowing me the honor to share my brain's sporadic moments of mentalness! Man, this is harder than I thought. Anyways, so I was watching WWE wrestling the other night on USA and you know how they have that add, "Characters Wanted?" Well, that made the light bulb go on in my head! I thought, I am related to A LOT of characters. I'm sure all of you can relate cuz every family has at least one. If you can't think of any members resembling some of mine, think again, it might just be you!
I have an Uncle "Frankie" (shout out to frankie!): He's like his name. Frank. His wise @ssness is a welcomed and refreshing ball of fun! He's so free ken hee larry yus that you just wanna sit and talk story with him all night! Once in a while, you are also able to add your own two cents into the pot of mental and sometimes politically incorrect conversations. Admit it. It's what makes roasting marshmallows fun! Like me, his muse is his family. He can usually be heard making fun of the aunties mentioned below.
I not Hawaiian but Aunty Baling-Baling got da bracelets going all da way up her arm like she's Wondah Woman! I swear, she could deflect any and all bullets coming at her in a drive by. If you in da wrong part of da hood, she's da one you use as a shield, not Uncle Bla-lah. She clang clang so much. You know she just loves the attention. But in the back of my head, all her clang clang just reminds me of how my dogs' tags go clang clang when they come running at meal time. I've also noticed that Aunty Bling is not the prettiest aunty in the bunch. I wonder if she blings out to compensate. She's also the same aunty who wears tight, COUGAR print clothes and forgets that she has back fat.
I also have an Aunty Carrie Yokie. Yes, she's the one who thinks she coulddah been a contendah...on American Idol. Remember, I'm Filipino. We all can sing! NOT! She wants to be the next Jasmine. Aunty sings...has a few good notes...then she TRIES Whitney! OH HECK NO! Now, I want to turn on the garden hose and shoot her down like that neighbor's cat in heat sitting on your fence who is screeching all night long! Why, oh why, does she think that little karaoke microphone can transform the sound from her throat into heavenly tunes?
Oh, and you got the aunty who needs NO microphone. We got 100 people at the reunion and, because we're Filipino, it just gets INSANELY loud! We've had PA systems in the past but if the MC is too slow, Aunty Big Mout will just make the announcement for you. And so happen, whatever comes out her mout, is usually incorrect. Like Aunty Carrie, I tink she just likes da sound of her own voice. Her husband can usually be found somewhere in a dark corner, cringing at the sound of her voice and cuddling with a little green bottle that would be considered contraband at said event. Uncle Shame can usually be found with Uncle Mo Shame and Uncle So Shame, the husbands of Aunty Carry and Aunty Bling.
I also have an Uncle Nurse. He likes to push ALL the cousins into the profession. I don't think he realizes we can't all be nurses. Some of my other cousins not so smart, you know what I mean? But really, some of us need to be lawyers and doctors. Over the years, we've learned to just avoid conversations with him. It's hello and good bye. Never, under any circumstances, ask him an open ened question! It will always end up with him trying to get you to change majors or go back to school and do something God didn't give you the passion for. No, he's not a nurse, himself. He used to be a teacher in the Philippines. No one really knows what he does now.
Then, there's the grammy who grew pakalolo just cuz it was a pretty plant. Or so she says. She would tell us how happy it made her when she took care of her plant and pruned off the dried leaves. Nana Maria also has a sister who had a pakalolo plant. Or a few. But Nana Juana was akamai and knew that she could profit from this commodity of a plant which her sister was not aware of. Nana Lolo never had a job when she moved to Hawaii. Which is why cousins laugh when they realized the source of their weekly allowances from their grams was from illegal tradings!
And last but certainly not the least. There's the cousin who is so irritating like a little yappy chihuahua, you just wanna slap him and tape his mouth shut! Cousin Ete is sometimes one in the same as the cousin who whines soo much you just wanna kick him around a little just for fun...or at least until his oloz drop.
Think me brutal? Well, friends, I KNOW YOU WAS LAFFING! Yes, this is what makes up a part of my family. Mind you, we purposely don't serve alcohol at our reunion functions. But, at the end of the day, I think I would not have it any other way. Because, if my family dynamic was anything less, reunions would just be too boring! And, thank the Heavens, I have a family that I can love and make fun of! So, share with the rest of us your stories of your family dynamics. Give us a good laugh that will hold us over this long holiday weekend! Happy 4th everyone. And a special shout out to all those, past and present, who've fought and still fight for this great country of ours!
Tags: akamai, Aunty Baling-Baling, Aunty Big Mout, Aunty Bling, Aunty Carrie Yokie, Characters Wanted, Cousin Ete, Family Reunions, Filipino, frankie, Guest Blog, Nana Juana, Nana Lolo, Nana Maria, Nana Paka, pakalolo, tita leerz, Uncle "Frankie", Uncle Bla-lah, Uncle Mo Shame, Uncle Nurse, Uncle Shame, Uncle So Shame, WWE wrestling
July 2nd, 2009 at 1:10 am
Funny stuff! But gotta think about this.
How's about the friend who brings one bag potato chips to the potluck and grinds 3 plates. What's his name again?.......
July 2nd, 2009 at 4:39 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5BKX3QCjk0
July 2nd, 2009 at 6:35 am
Excellent blog tita! I like come to your next reunion, sounds good fun! Your sentiment about family is so very nice too. Gotta run, will check back later. Happy Thursday and Happy 4th of July everybody!
July 2nd, 2009 at 6:35 am
Whoa Tita, I think we related. That's one hilarious story and I can honestly relate to the "blend" of characters in our family. All with their unique styles. Yep I filipino too, but my wife side get Hawaiian and Japanese. you bring everybody together and we go home with our sides splitting from laughing so much. Thanks for making my day.
July 2nd, 2009 at 6:46 am
Ohhhh man, my fams get some of those charackerz.
My mom and aunties all love two things ... Filipino organization dances and BINGO. Let's talk dances for now.
At the dances, the aunties (momz included) all duke um up so they can make like ballroom stars ... Thankfully the clothing is not skimpy, just bright, shiny, and loud. The Uncles (dadz included) all go cuz they gotta ... but they dress a lil more regular. So I guess the aunties can all be Manang Juana Beesh and the uncles can be Manong Stan Bydasides.
And you just know they make the dj play macarena, giling-giling (wowowee) and ...it's electric...
July 2nd, 2009 at 6:49 am
@Hobbz - right now... I'm getting my one hit wonder fix ... Donna Lewis .... I love you always forever, near or far close or together ...
July 2nd, 2009 at 7:37 am
Good Morning tita leerz!
Sounds like you have a great family!
Dysfunctional like mind.
July 2nd, 2009 at 7:38 am
Aloha Ed,
Does your family from Japan come to your reunions or do all of you go there? Got relatives in Tokyo & Hiroshima that I have never met (kinda hard cause I don't know where they live, etc. etc. etc.) But, my cousin hosts annually a New Year's get together of all our local relatives and then some and he always makes Jr. & Sher drink "Sake"! Can you please explain the "Sake" significance as a Japanese celebration drink?
I'm fortunate that I don't drink anything with alcohol in it?!?!
Guess I gotta take the family to Korea for a reunion, or maybe you can coax Jr. to sponsor it? Hahahahaha!
Knowing you, your reunions must be a blast everytime!
To you & all your bloggers, "Do have a wonderful day"!
July 2nd, 2009 at 8:33 am
No forget Auntie Doggie Bag ...
You knows who she is ... That Auntie who already stay making a plate of food to take home, even before everyone else had a chance to eat! Wassap Wit Dat! Oops wrong blog ...
July 2nd, 2009 at 8:49 am
Aloha Tita. Thanks for filling in. I LMAO reading this today.
My family seems boring next to yours... maybe.
I don't have time today to share. Gotta get working.
July 2nd, 2009 at 9:24 am
lol... omg! tita, that was tooo funny! i have a lot of filipino friends and always help out at their parties... so i know all their aunties and uncles, too! just like your family... or maybe the same one??? who knows!
me, i'm japanese, so my family is on the quiet side. my mom's side has more "character." i have my auntie gottabeniceto, who you gotta go say hi to first, bumbai she going give you scolding! i also have my uncle huu yuu, who always asks "who dat? whatchyor name again?"
me: "uncle, i'm SNOW!!"
him: blank look
me: "SNOW, I SAID!"
him: "whooooooo?????" (combined with quizzical look)
me: "SNOW!"
him: "whatttttt?"
me: "SNOWWWWWWWW!"
him: "oh."
we don't see our family too often so when we do, it's a talkfest! everyone is nice and it's all good!
thanks for sharing your family tales, tita!
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:16 am
• Coconut Willy:
"What's his name again?......."
Dat would be Bruddah Ho-Beau! Same fren dat always ask if he can borrow dollah. Yeah, same one from when you was intermediate school who neva have quarter fo da bus cuz he wen spend’em playing Galaga at the drug store near da bus stop.
• unca juncz:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5BKX3QCjk0
Dat was one good laugh!
• MakiSushi:
"I like come to your next reunion, sounds good fun! Your sentiment about family is so very nice too. Gotta run, will check back later. Happy Thursday and Happy 4th of July everybody!"
They make me crazy but you just gotta love’m. Happy 4th!
• Ynaku:
"You bring everybody together and we go home with our sides splitting from laughing so much. Thanks for making my day."
*sniff* I’m glad I could make you laugh!
• kuya.d:
"So I guess the aunties can all be Manang Juana Beesh and the uncles can be Manong Stan Bydasides. "
BWAHAHA! And don’t they just have the most unique names!
"And you just know they make the dj play macarena, giling-giling (wowowee) and ...it's electric... "
Wait, das how you know it’s a Filipino party. Everybody pau eat and then you hear the anthem, “IT’S ELECTRIC!” ..don't forget Sha-la-la and that Free Ken Ocho Song!
• M:
"Dysfunctional like mind. "
They put the “fun” in dysfunctional!
• Kel Sr.:
"Aloha Ed,"
Sorry, Kels, it’s just Tita Leerz guest blogging while Ed’s visiting Superman’s Fortress of Solitude somewhere up north.
"Can you please explain the "Sake" significance as a Japanese celebration drink?"
Hawaii celebration drink: anything alcohol. Even Bud Light! LOL!
• rayboyjr:
"No forget Auntie Doggie Bag ...
You knows who she is ... That Auntie who already stay making a plate of food to take home, even before everyone else had a chance to eat! Wassap Wit Dat! Oops wrong blog ... "
Fo real! I think her son is Unlce So Shame! Cuz he gotta go bring da soda box wid her food to da cah and pass everybody else who still standing in line fo food!
• Kage:
"Aloha Tita. Thanks for filling in. I LMAO reading this today.
My family seems boring next to yours... maybe."
Tanx for the !VH07V Hubby’s side is kinda quiet. But I jus make noise cuz gramps is a funny guy. First Uchinancu I know can speak Ilokano. He’s a blast! Everyone else too quiet. Make me crazy sometimes. Try jus spaz out one time…see what they do! LOL
• snow:
me: "uncle, i'm SNOW!!"
him: blank look
me: "SNOW, I SAID!"
him: "whooooooo?????" (combined with quizzical look)
me: "SNOW!"
him: "whatttttt?"
me: "SNOWWWWWWWW!"
him: "oh."
My Gramps will follow this with (in his native Ilokano tongue), “please move, you’re blocking the TV. I can’t see the Bows kick Pepperdine’s @$$.”
July 2nd, 2009 at 11:48 am
tita - re: the ocho song... i never heard of it until a few days ago! my son had it on his ipod and played it for me... i can see the aunties dancing already! and, too funny about your grandpa! my uncle would probably have continued to stare at me!
ha ha!
July 2nd, 2009 at 11:50 am
Hey tita - your blog is too funny! I loved your story about Aunty Baling-Baling. Cracked me up.
I'm the youngest in my family and a lot of my relatives are a lot older than I am. In fact, we used to have a yearly New Year's celebration, but don't anymore because a lot of relatives are older or have passed. Sad, yeah?
Like snow, I'm Japanese and my family, for the most part, is pretty quiet. Hmm, I gotta think about this for a bit. I'll be back later.
July 2nd, 2009 at 11:56 am
@snow: there's a dance too, you know. you could probably find it on youtube. a little hoochie though. but man, even the kids do it. oh, rub me da wrong way when i see little kids bending their backs and their knees...doing the jockey move. for real...can also be spelled otso otso.
@Hobbz: sometimes, i LOVE going to hubby's side of the family. ...for the quietness. my people, some pretend to be quiet and shy. but you stick them in a room with the rest of the relatives and you wouldn't guess they could be so loud! da volume stay brok!
July 2nd, 2009 at 12:19 pm
Ok, thought of some...
I have a Cousin no shame. This would be the guy who helps himself to a plateful of sashimi. I mean, nothing else on the plate, only sashimi. And, yes, he does know how expensive sashimi is.
I also have an Uncle Aloha. You know, the one who gotta hug and kiss everyone.
How about Aunty nuffalready. Before, this would be the aunty who would always ask me, "When you getting married?" Now, it's, "When you going have kids?"
I also have an Aunty scary. This would be the Aunty who fights you for the bill at a public restaurant, causing a major scene.
How about Mr. Sukebe? Yup, there would always be at least one of my uncle's friends who would give me that uji vibe ... yikes!
July 2nd, 2009 at 12:32 pm
@kuya - Donna Lewis? Oh boy, not ringing a bell with me. I'm so forgetful nowadays.
I gotta wait until I go home so I can try watch one video on YouTube.
July 2nd, 2009 at 1:31 pm
@Hobbz: Cousin no shame...kinda like when Tom Hanks took all the caviar in "You've Got Mail." Meg Ryan wasn't shame for call him on it and take some off his plate. ha!
Aunty Nuff: mine's ones always say, "wow, you're so fat now!" WTH?! Culturally, back in the homeland, maybe it OK because if you fat, that means you get money to buy food. But here, man, females will have issues! She same aunty that says, "wow, how come you're so skinny?!" Then proceeds to pile your plate and make you eat EVERYTHING!
Reminds me of my cousin Mokette. Aunties used to always comment, "when you gonna get married?" Every wedding, "so when's your turn?" Once, at a funeral, she actually told Aunty Nuff, "so when'sy your turn?" I don't think Aunty Nuff got it but we did.
Mr. Sukebe: I know, yah?! How come uncle always gotta bring his loser friend over . You like jus put one paper bag over his head and hope he no more x-ray vision.
July 2nd, 2009 at 2:08 pm
@tita -
Yup, yup, sounds familiar! Actually, it's usually my mom commenting on my weight.
July 2nd, 2009 at 2:40 pm
Ho Tita, dat is really funny stuff. That's da kine parties I like to stay as far away as possible.
July 2nd, 2009 at 2:44 pm
@Dman....oh, tell me about it! das da kine, when you see those aunties, you try navigate your way around them and avoid them all night....until yo moddah come ova and slap you upside da head for being a rude snob! I speak from personal experience. ;s
July 2nd, 2009 at 2:45 pm
Eh Hobbz..how you make your reply comments formatted like that? LOL...
July 2nd, 2009 at 3:31 pm
yes ....OH HOLY HELL NOW IF I GO OUT WITH FAMILY I BETER BE IN MY BEST BEHAVIOR OR THEY WILL LABEL ME STUPID AUNTIE...I usually try to keep to myself.! I GOT SOLUTION I AVOID THE DARN REUNION!
July 2nd, 2009 at 3:33 pm
yes drives me crazy reunion...everybody has to be always dressed up...!
July 2nd, 2009 at 3:34 pm
I got smart you know I avoid everybody...!
July 2nd, 2009 at 3:40 pm
MY broter always has comments about OH LOOK your teeth is crooked ..
or oh you know if you have grad party you shouldn' thave it in the cheap restaurant..on on on he goes so I get smart I have my son grad didn't invite anybody..just my luck I get stuck doing bar b cue for everybody full of food allergies so this time I went for my sons school party and I avoid everybody...they alwaYS MAKE STUPID COMMENT..they have big ideas have a birthday party on the 28 floor get dressed up again
then I be in panic attack ! SO I REFUSE TO GO ALONG WITH THEM ....I keep to myself!
July 2nd, 2009 at 3:45 pm
WHEN I had my boys first they would tell me what to do..they say you know if I have kids I wont go to MacDonalds ( I WENT TO MACODNALDS on weekends my husnbad has odd hours for works so I have to get out keep the boys busy so daddy can sleep quiet )..next thing I visit thier house full of MacDONALD's toys..so they are stuck at MacDOnalds.....I never tell them what to do with their kids...they always tell me what to do ....! anyway..now I mind my own business keep away from everybody so I get my peace.
July 2nd, 2009 at 3:48 pm
yes then they say OH HELL YOU HAVE WHITE HAIR...damn those people remind me again..YES CROOKED TEETH SHORT FULL OF WHITEHAIR do they have to make comments..next time I be telling them too...yes..I get even next time! YES somebody always have to sing around drives me crazy!
July 2nd, 2009 at 3:51 pm
MY mom then says to my son OH you are too skinny and short..poor kid ..WELL DO I LOOK LIKE A TALL FAT GIANT TO YOU MOM I FEEL LIKE SAYING that TO HER..yes my brothers and mom has to say oh he will be short...poor kid...I mean I am not tall so for sure eh wont be tall! I can fight my battles but my son is too sensitive.
July 2nd, 2009 at 3:52 pm
I WILL BE NAMED BITCHY AUNT!
July 2nd, 2009 at 3:59 pm
yes my family is the kind that well push you to be smart...I am the kind that just floats around and I am fine ..I don't have my boys in sport and I get lectured by my whole familoy all the time and my boys are good at any sports so why should I push them....well I don' t have to prove myself to them so I keep to myself and avoid thier nonsense my boys are doing just fine...they can swim if they have to...skateboard if they have too play golf if they have too ...etc etc....so I guess my family can take a hint. ..LEAVE ME ALONE.
July 2nd, 2009 at 4:22 pm
ROSY! You're so dang funny!
When I got married, my mom, she tells me, "why you don't invite so and so?" I tell her, "cuz I no like. But if you pay for the wedding you can invite them." She leave me alone.
July 2nd, 2009 at 4:25 pm
KUYA..you know what cracks me up...when the dancers act like der fut no smell! Ho, man, make me like backslide all da way to 8th grade! LOL!
July 2nd, 2009 at 6:52 pm
Now I gotta share about BINGO nites. Errytime I go back Oahu, my mom always ask me or my bruddah for drop her off at Bingo at one of the aunties' house. So I go, and drive her. I dunno all these "aunties" cause my mom folks know planny peeps.
So the aunties who don't know me good start talking in Tagalog behind my back ... they think they sly but I still kinda understand. They say stuff like "who's this Hawaiian looking guy?" So I turn around and answer the question. And Boo-Yah! Their face gets all ghost white. Then they try make like, "oh, that's good you understand Tagalog!".
You could call those aunties, Manang Kubber Mayasses ... always trying for make like they never make ass. I give my mom credit, she talk Taganglish to younger folks so she get um, no need cover her ass.
July 2nd, 2009 at 7:09 pm
FYI - Taganglish - a blend of the English and Tagalog languages which results in a broken form of English and often followed by giggles by those who speak the English language well.
Eh, no ack! You know you guys giggle, but at least my mom ... she try. *applause for my mom*
July 2nd, 2009 at 7:13 pm
BTW - Taganglish is not to be confused with Englalog ... Taganglish sounds way cooler to say! You know you wanna say it again!
@leerz - salamat for today's blog topic! It's so comforting to know that jacked up families exist aside from my own ... characters (always) welcome!
July 2nd, 2009 at 7:38 pm
characters WELCOME! I saw that the other night when I was watching WWE again. Deng, was too late to make the edit. I'm glad you know what I mean.
I always thought it was Taglish. Your mom's a hoot!
Your Manangs Kubber Mayasses are even more hilarious!
July 2nd, 2009 at 9:36 pm
@tita - you use
July 2nd, 2009 at 9:45 pm
Let me try again ...
{blockquote} insert text here {/blockquote}
But, instead of the "{" use ""
For bold, replace "blockquote" w/ "b". For italic, replace "blockquote" w/ "i".
I hope I'm making sense...
July 2nd, 2009 at 9:48 pm
grr, this explains why I didn't become a teacher. You gotta use the < symbols above the comma and period.
July 2nd, 2009 at 9:54 pm
I think this link will explain it better than I just did!
http://codex.wordpress.org/Writing_Posts#Visual_Versus_HTML_Editor
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:24 pm
I notice that when get guest bloggers ... nobody hijacks the blog. Oh wait, Ed strategically used the usual jacking suspects as the guest bloggers. Good strategy by the "glacier chaser".
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:29 pm
Kuya....ai, he get one good strategy! Glacier chaser. I think he found Superman's Fortress of Solitude.
Hobbz....I remember someone trying to explain this before. I should save the link. Thanks!
July 3rd, 2009 at 5:46 am
eh tita, funny stuffs with your family. I don't think my family gatherings as interesting although there is a lot of yakking with my aunties, like a bunch of chickens but they having fun and I love to join them. Funny thing, their husbands are real quiet. I guess get room for only one talker in the couple, one talks, the other listens. I do have another category and that's the "aunty morality", you know, the one that will preach to you about what right or wrong. I guess they mean well and trying to give you advice/wisdom.
July 5th, 2009 at 6:10 pm
bunch of chickens....LOL!